Do people treat you badly because you allow them to?

This is the first of series of posts that will deal with the issues our herione faces in Finding Romeo. Follow me each week as we disect the real issues in this drama/romance. 

True or false? Do people only treat you the way you allow them to?

In my latest novel, Finding Romeo, my heroine deals with the hard fact that the hero has not treated her the way she should have been treated because she allowed it.

That is definitely not something you want to hear when you are going through a difficult time, you'd rather be told that the person who wronged you is an idiot and a jerk right. Well, maybe they are, but in my opinion, there is some truth in that statement.

A lot of the time, we let the bad behavior of the people around us slide the first time around. That's fine. But what happens when they do it again? And again? And yet again? Take for example a woman in an abusive relationship. Is it her fault that the man has laid a hand on her? Definitely not, there's nothing a woman can do anyway or anyhow that justifies a man laying his hands on her. However, what about the fact that he does it the fifth time? It's easy to see that there should not have been a fifth time right? What if that woman realizes her worth and leaves the abusive relationship? The hitting stops right? Yeah I know, it's not so cut and dry, there are some real crazy stalkers out there who'll follow the poor gal just so he can beat her to a pulp. There's a place in hell for those idiots.

My point however, is that you'll be treated with the same level of respect that you demand. If you're being cheated on and you stay, you'll continue to be cheated on. If you're being ignored and you stay, you'll continue to be ignored. If you compromise your values because you are in love, he'll always expect that you'll compromise your values.

This principle does not only relate to romantic relationships, it relates to every other relationship you can have. As a parent, if you don't expect good behavior from your kids, they'll run around like hooligans. As an employee, if you don't expect respect from your boss, he'll likely treat you like a doormat. As a friend, if you allow your other friends to use you, they'll use you until you have nothing left to give.

Simple relationship dynamics right?

Today I want to hear your thoughts. Post a comment, tell me what you think about all these things.

(P.S. If you grab the book and tell me your thoughts on that, that would be nice too :D)

Coming Soon - Finding Romeo

Coming Soon: 

Finding Romeo
Available for Kindle and In Paperback on August 1, 2012

Daynia lives in the number one honeymoon destination in the world, yet daily, her own honeymoon seems further and further away. Her love life is consumed by a history of bad relationships and she is skeptical about moving on. The dashing Richard changes all that though when he walks into her life and sweeps her off her feet. Or so she thought. 

Richard is haunted by his own past and is consumed with thoughts of his ex-girlfriend. Daynia is a welcomed distraction but when ex-girl Kayla returns to reclaim her beau, he's torn between the two. 

Despite all the evidence in front of her, Daynia chooses to remain at Richard’s go to girl. Follow Daynia and Richard as they duke it out in a fierce love triangle that threatens to topple them both. Will Daynia win over her Romeo? Or will Richard never realize the value of the gem he holds in his hands?

The Little Things

Have you ever had an instance where God did something so simple for you that it just melted your heart? Well, today, I had one of those occurrences. I was late for church and really rushing. I had a piece the worship dancer's garments and only ten minutes to make the twenty minute walk to my church. I grabbed my stuff and dashed out of the house in a frenzy.

Less than two minutes after I left the house I stopped in mid step. I had the nagging feeling that I'd forgotten something - my cell phone. I took me less than two seconds to decide that I wasn't going back for it, so I started walking again. I took only one step before noticing something brown and white and wet hitting the pavement in front of me. I stopped and looked up. There was the culprit, a tiny bird sitting on an electrical cable quite contently after littering the pavement with its excrement. Immediately, I realized that if I hadn't stopped for those two seconds, I'd be directly in the line of fire when that bird relieved itself. Considering I was wearing a brand new white dress today, that wouldn't have gone well. I'd have to return home to change, and been even later for church.

So what, big deal. I avoided being hit by bird doo-doo. Well, yeah, it's a big deal because that bird reminded me of how much my God actually cares about me. As I passed the bird I began to ask myself how come I'd forgotten my cell phone. That's when I heard the voice, loud and clear "you didn't forget your cell phone, it's in the pocket of your bag, but I had to say something to make you stop, or else you'd be covered in bird poop."

Yes folks. That's the God that we serve. He cares about the things that concern us, even the little things like bird poop on our new white dresses. God shows concern for us in every area of our lives. There's no circumstance that he considers too small for Him to intervene. As you go through life, don't hesitate to call on Him for the small things. He loves you and he's concerned about protecting EVERY aspect of your life. 

Be Blessed. 

Joana James - Author of From Redemption to Maturity, Nightmare at Emerald High & Alana and Alyssa's Secret

Praise God for His Mercy & Grace!

Mercy - compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy,
or other person in one's power;

Grace - a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior:

I don't know about you, but when I think about God's mercy, I'm filled with praise. Nothing makes me more grateful that remembering the mess that I was and suddenly realizing that I'm not there anymore. And it's not because of anything I've ever done, it's because God loves me enough to reach into the muck, pull me out, clean me up and make something worthwhile out of me.

God's mercy is really amazing. We certainly don't deserve it. He shows it to us simply because he loves us. Early in my Christian life, I didn't understand how anybody could love me unconditionally. It didn't make sense that I'd gotten favor that I had not earned and all I had to do was accept it.

A lot of us still struggle with the concept. We know it and can explain it to others but, in reality, we have a hard time applying it to ourselves. Long after God has forgotten our mistakes, we remind ourselves of them daily. In a previous post, I spoke about the importance of walking in freedom and not beating up on ourselves for our past wrongs.

The process of Christian Maturity requires that we understand that God's love is unconditional, therefore his mercy and grace is also unconditional. God sent His Son simply because He loves us and couldn't allow us to remain dead in sin. It hurts God to see the ones He created with such love and care separated from him. So He sent us a solution, His Son.

We must be reminded though, that we shouldn't take God's mercy and grace for granted. Though we get it freely, we shouldn't mock God by returning to our sin and coming back expecting to be cleaned up again. God knows our hearts and those who return to Him genuinely will always receive mercy, but don't grieve Him by willingly going back to our sin. Besides, only those who repent genuinely, receive salvation.

So, with every waking moment, I am reminded that God is merciful to me and that he loves me and I did nothing to deserve it, so I can't help but shout out in praise. God's mercy is definitely something to praise about.

PRAISE THE LORD FOR HIS MERCY AND GRACE! 

Today's Bonus: 

The devotionals on this blog have all been written based on what God has been doing in my own life as I move from the point of Redemption to Christian Maturity. Half of the time, I write them simply as therapy for myself, but God allows me to share them because there are many people who are going through the same process that I am.

To reach a wider audience, I've compiled most of this year's devotionals into a little book called: FROM REDEMPTION TO MATURITY. For Kindle owners, it's FREE for today June 26 and tomorrow June 27. If you have a kindle, grab your own copy, read it, tell others about it. But most importantly, you'll have a copy of those devotionals that touched you most that you can refer to when you need it most. If you don't have a kindle, the book is also available in paperback. 

Click the Image above to get your copy

I trust that somebody is blessed when I pour out my heart into a blog post. Stayed Blessed! I write because I love you.

Joana James - Author of From Redemption to Maturity, Nightmare at Emerald High & Alana and Alyssa's Secret

Walk in Freedom

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1

One of the things that keep us back most as human beings is condemnation. We are afraid of being ostracized, criticized and reminded of our shortcomings by those who've known us and know about our past. But condemnation does not only come from outside influences. The worse type of condemnation can come from within. Most of us have hopes and dreams for ourselves. Most of us have set standards for ourselves. Letting our own selves down is one of the hardest issues to live with. When we don't live up to our own expectations, we tend to walk around, sometimes for the rest of our lives, beating ourselves up for our past mistakes.  Another person will forgive you a lot sooner than you can forgive yourself. 

A lot of Christians come to Christ, are forgiven and go on to live Godly lives, yet they often have that one thing hidden in the dark room of their past that they keep beating themselves over. I can speak about it, because I have done it to myself and sometimes, I'm still doing it to myself even though now, I know better. 

Condemning yourself over and over for past mistakes can keep you from going forward. It cripples you and holds you back. Because you are holding onto to your past and beating yourself up, you can never really be free. When we choose redemption, the Spirit of God gave us freedom from the power of sin that leads to death. That means we have freedom to live without the guilt that can so often weigh us down. To keep beating yourself up over past mistakes means that we are robbing yourself of the freedom of redemption. When Christ forgave you, your mistakes were erased. He saw that you were genuine about wanting change so he freed you so that you could actually achieve that change.

Don't go through life walking around with the heavy bags of your past on your shoulders when God has already taken them and thrown them away. Don't go digging through the garbage for what God has already discarded. Forgive yourself, thrown down the bags and walk with your head held high. You'll realize that after you have forgiven yourself, barely anybody else is holding your past in front your face. They have seen the genuine change in you and save for the few pig-headed folks who will always want to flash your past before you, most people are rooting for you to succeed. 

Walk in the liberty that God has given you and remind the few that God has set you free from your past mistakes. Let your past be a teacher, a guide that tells you where you shouldn't go, but never let it overcome you and weigh you down. 

I read a quote somewhere that rang true for me. I'm not sure who the author is, but it sure isn't me. 

Experience is something you only get until just after you needed it. 

Now that you have been blessed with an experience,  make it worth the trouble. Don't go back there and don't let what happened back there keep you back!


Joana James - Author of From Redemption to Maturity,   Nightmare at Emerald High & Alana and Alyssa's Secret