Solve for Y

Solve for Y

by Staci Stallings

My mother never particularly liked math, but I remember one thing she always told me when I was younger about algebra.  When kids would say, “But algebra?  When are we ever going to use this?”  My mom would say, “I use it every day.  Algebra says, ‘Let x stand for the unknown,’ and let me tell you, there’s a lot of unknowns in my life.”

The other day I was reading a book about how to make a quality school or a quality classroom.  As I read, the author kept saying how it is critical to get a student to understand why they need to learn whatever you are teaching. He said the failure to do so is one reason students get burned out and tune out.

The famous question, “When am I ever gonna need this?” comes to mind.  If kids don’t see the correlation between what they are learning and what they are going to need later in life, a few might learn it.  Most will learn it and then promptly forget it.  Others will never bother to learn it at all.

We see this as adults in people we work with.  They show up to work.  They even do some work.  But they do it half-heartedly and can’t wait for five o’clock to show up so they can go do something that really means something to them.

Unfortunately we also see this in our families these days too.  Couples get in a rut of going through the routine of days until the routine has become the relationship instead of the relationship setting the routine.  With our kids we have short fuses and even shorter attention spans.  It’s ever so much easier to set them in front of a Playstation and forget they exist than to make an effort to connect with them and get to know them.

I think the main issue behind all of this “opting out” of life goes back to algebra.  We are not solving for y.

Why am I doing this?  Oh, we ask ourselves that in a fit of frustration, but we never really bother to answer it. 

Why am I raising this family?  When we get to the end, what do we want this family to be, and are the moments we have now pointing in that direction or some other entirely? 

Why am I at work?  To earn a few dollars that will be gone in a month or a minute?

Why am I alive?  To “get through”?

I don’t think God’s answer to why is about surviving or getting through or just anything… I think God’s answer has to do with abundance of living.

If we are “just getting by,” why are we settling for that?  Of course, we don’t have to make wholesale changes like quitting our job or moving to a new state.  We can simply shift our understanding of why.

Why am I raising my family?  Because God granted me the gift of these children and this spouse.  No, they are not perfect, but even God doesn’t require perfection.  My job is to love them, to guide them, and to support and encourage them the best that I can with God doing most of it through me.  That is my y.

At work, the answer is much the same.  I’m not working to be top dog because if I am, someone is coming up very quickly to knock me off of that spot.  No. I’m at work to share Christ’s love—not necessarily by evangelizing but by loving those who work with me.  I can pray for them.  I can help them.  I can support them.  That can be my new y.

I plan to ask my Sunday School class as we start a new year to solve for y.  Why are you here?  Why do you come on Sundays?  Why is this important?   

So now I ask you that question:  Why are you here--on this planet, in this family, in this situation right now? 

Solve for y.

It makes a difference.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2008

Staci Stallings, the author of this article, is a Contemporary Christian author and the founder of Grace & Faith Author Connection. You can check out one of Staci's Best-Selling Christian Romances...

White Knight
~ The Courage Series~
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"Through a series of entertaining twists and turns and a lot of suspense, two very unlikely people find in each other a reason to laugh and love and live." 

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The hardest part is losing the person someone else loves... 

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Love Triangles - Would you stay?

It's discussion number 4 in the Finding Romeo discussion series and today we'll be talking about love triangles.

Love triangles are quite interesting things. Most times, the legitimate partner has no idea that he/she is in a love triangle. However, every once in a while, you find a partner in a relationship who knows without a shadow of a doubt that their loved one is enjoying love from someone else.

Today's question is this:
- Why remain in a relationship even after you find out that your partner is cheating?

In Finding Romeo our dear Daynia is not sure that her beau is cheating, but there is certainly enough evidence to give her a reason to investigate, yet she doesn't. I've heard people say that as long as their significant other comes home to them at night, then they don't really care about another man or woman. I've heard others say that after being in a relationship for some time, it's just best to leave things be. Others say they will stay because there are children involved.

For me, as long as my trust has been betrayed, it is VERY, VERY hard to be regained. That isn't to say that I cannot forgive the behavior but, I do know that to go back would mean a lifetime of wondering where my mate is during every second of every day. It would be a lifetime of wondering who he's with and just what the true nature of any relationship he has with a woman might be. That means that this relationship would be a constant night of worry for me. Not healthy for either of us, so my best bet would be to bow out.

What about you? Can you forgive and move on with a partner who has betrayed your trust? What if the person has cheated only once (a one night stand)? Would it be easier to forgive and move on? Can you see yourself staying in a situation where your partner is blatantly having another relationship outside of yours?

Feel free to post your comments below, let's have a hearty discussion.

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What is worship?

Is worship the thing you do on Sunday morning with your hands raised high in the air? Is worship the process of singing songs of adoration out loud?

Many of us get the concept of worship wrong. We box our worship into a two hour church service on Sunday morning, when win reality worship should be part of our everyday lives.

We really aught to worship God with every aspect of our lives. We worship God when we obey his commandments. We worship God when we love one another and treat each other with respect. We worship God with the way we live. The lip service that we give n Sunday mornings should serve only as a direct outward expression of what we have already showed to Him. It's sort of like a husband telling his wife "I love you" after he has prepared her breakfast in bed. The act of preparing the breakfast already tells her of his love and commitment to their relationship but those three little words at the end seals the deal. It's the same with God. Sunday morning lips service says that we love him, but coupled with our actions he definitely knows that we love him.

Each part of our expression is important but actions speak louder than words. So today, make a decision to no longer just give Sunday morning lip service. Worship God with you actions throughout the rest of the week because true love is displayed by what we do and not what we say. Think of it this way, what if your significant other says "I love you" whilst giving you a black eye, what are you inclined to believe?

For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in Spirit and in truth.

John 4:24

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Should you take him/her back?

About two weeks ago, we spoke about a woman who would choose to stay with a man after years of physical abuse. We know that it's something that happens all the time and even though it doesn't make sense, it happens. Today however, we're going to discuss another side of things.

Today's question is this.

Would you return to a relationship where your partner treated you badly even though he has apologized and seems repentant?

In Finding Romeo our heroine Daynia faced this dilemma. The love of her life claimed that he was changed and he wanted a second chance:. In fact, everyone around Daynia was convinced that Richard was a changed man, but even though she could see the changes, she struggled with the decision to open her heart to him again.

That is a very understandable situation. When someone breaks our trust, a normal reaction is to banish that person from our lives forever. However, from a Christian perspective we are taught forgiveness. Does forgiveness mean that you have to take the person back? Does it mean that you should even talk to the person again? Does it mean that you must open your heart again to someone who has basically treated you like crap?

My take on this situation is and always will be that forgiveness does not mean that I should give an individual another opportunity to hurt me. What it does mean is that I should no longer concentrate on what an individual has done yo me in the past. It means that must no longer hold a grudge. It means that I must treat the person with kindness and love. It means that I must not be reproachful. It does NOT mean that if I am not sure that the person is truly genuine that I should make room for them in my life again.

From a Christian standpoint, my answer to the original question is this: if you love someone and you are sure that you can see God working in the lives, give them time to mature and if it is the way you are being led, then by all means go for it.

What's your take on the topic? It is discussion Monday so feel free to jump in.

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Friendly advice isn't always Good advice

A few weeks ago, God gave me a task that I really dread doing. There's something I need to do that requires a lot of bravery on my part and it also requires that I become the "better person". How on earth was I going to do that? I had no idea where to start, so, I called a friend.

That was mistake number one. The friend was very supported and started offering me lots of ways to climb the wall that I was just afraid to approach. "Just do it", he said. "How?" I asked over and over. I just don't know how. So then came the slew of suggestions. "How bout you do it this way, or that way, or this other way." In my mind, none of those things would work. As a matter of fact, his suggestions made the wall appear taller and scarier each time.

I couldn't do this. I told God the wall was way too tall for me to climb so I just was NOT going to do it.

Then.... I stopped listening to my friend. Somewhere in the cloud of my mind I heard the still small voice again. "I didn't ask you to do it the way your friend wants you to do. I just asked YOU to do it. Do it the way you feel comfortable, one step at a time, the wall doesn't need to be climbed in one day."

Wow, suddenly the way became clear and I figured out my first step.

Sometimes when God asks us to do certain things, we tell our friends and they try to "help" us do it. They tell us that it needs to be done this way and that. They tell us that we need to do it now, later or tomorrow. They mess with our thought process so much that we end up afraid to do the thing God asks us to do that we thought was totally possible. Now, after all the wonderful advice, we find the task impossible.

Our judgment has been clouded by people with good intentions. Sometimes, when God is asking us to do something, it's a good idea to wait for Him to tell us the when and the how. Whilst our friends can be wonderful sources of inspiration and comfort they are also excellent sources of confusion. They can drown out God's voice and help us make choices that we should not have made.

In this situation, I almost became a Jonah and pulled "a Nineveh" on God. I'm NOT going to do it I said and got on board the next ship that would take me as far away from this thing as possible. Then came the storm and I ended up on my way to Nineveh in the belly of a fish.

So, here's my little snippet of advice, the next time God asks us to do something, wait for His when and how. Don't tell your whole clique. If you need help, find the one person who will direct you to wait for God's push. We all have one of those friends, one who will say "so what is God saying to do?" Find that person and they will hold your hand through the process. Don't let someone else make you believe your task is insurmountable simply because they want you to do it their way.