This is the first of series of posts that will deal with the issues our herione faces in Finding Romeo. Follow me each week as we disect the real issues in this drama/romance.
True or false? Do people only treat you the way you allow them to?
In my latest novel, Finding Romeo, my heroine deals with the hard fact that the hero has not treated her the way she should have been treated because she allowed it.
That is definitely not something you want to hear when you are going through a difficult time, you'd rather be told that the person who wronged you is an idiot and a jerk right. Well, maybe they are, but in my opinion, there is some truth in that statement.
A lot of the time, we let the bad behavior of the people around us slide the first time around. That's fine. But what happens when they do it again? And again? And yet again? Take for example a woman in an abusive relationship. Is it her fault that the man has laid a hand on her? Definitely not, there's nothing a woman can do anyway or anyhow that justifies a man laying his hands on her. However, what about the fact that he does it the fifth time? It's easy to see that there should not have been a fifth time right? What if that woman realizes her worth and leaves the abusive relationship? The hitting stops right? Yeah I know, it's not so cut and dry, there are some real crazy stalkers out there who'll follow the poor gal just so he can beat her to a pulp. There's a place in hell for those idiots.
My point however, is that you'll be treated with the same level of respect that you demand. If you're being cheated on and you stay, you'll continue to be cheated on. If you're being ignored and you stay, you'll continue to be ignored. If you compromise your values because you are in love, he'll always expect that you'll compromise your values.
This principle does not only relate to romantic relationships, it relates to every other relationship you can have. As a parent, if you don't expect good behavior from your kids, they'll run around like hooligans. As an employee, if you don't expect respect from your boss, he'll likely treat you like a doormat. As a friend, if you allow your other friends to use you, they'll use you until you have nothing left to give.
Simple relationship dynamics right?
Today I want to hear your thoughts. Post a comment, tell me what you think about all these things.
(P.S. If you grab the book and tell me your thoughts on that, that would be nice too :D)
True or false? Do people only treat you the way you allow them to?In my latest novel, Finding Romeo, my heroine deals with the hard fact that the hero has not treated her the way she should have been treated because she allowed it.
That is definitely not something you want to hear when you are going through a difficult time, you'd rather be told that the person who wronged you is an idiot and a jerk right. Well, maybe they are, but in my opinion, there is some truth in that statement.
A lot of the time, we let the bad behavior of the people around us slide the first time around. That's fine. But what happens when they do it again? And again? And yet again? Take for example a woman in an abusive relationship. Is it her fault that the man has laid a hand on her? Definitely not, there's nothing a woman can do anyway or anyhow that justifies a man laying his hands on her. However, what about the fact that he does it the fifth time? It's easy to see that there should not have been a fifth time right? What if that woman realizes her worth and leaves the abusive relationship? The hitting stops right? Yeah I know, it's not so cut and dry, there are some real crazy stalkers out there who'll follow the poor gal just so he can beat her to a pulp. There's a place in hell for those idiots.
My point however, is that you'll be treated with the same level of respect that you demand. If you're being cheated on and you stay, you'll continue to be cheated on. If you're being ignored and you stay, you'll continue to be ignored. If you compromise your values because you are in love, he'll always expect that you'll compromise your values.
This principle does not only relate to romantic relationships, it relates to every other relationship you can have. As a parent, if you don't expect good behavior from your kids, they'll run around like hooligans. As an employee, if you don't expect respect from your boss, he'll likely treat you like a doormat. As a friend, if you allow your other friends to use you, they'll use you until you have nothing left to give.
Simple relationship dynamics right?
Today I want to hear your thoughts. Post a comment, tell me what you think about all these things.
(P.S. If you grab the book and tell me your thoughts on that, that would be nice too :D)
The information stated above is very correct. Until a standard isn't set then persons a free to do what they want, whether it be relationships or just life on a whole. Another Eg. is with laws governing a country and law enforcment officers ensuring they are followed by society. If this isn't done then the greed of people's heart will allow a corrupt society. (although there is alot of corruption behind the scenes but that's for another show) The same goes for relationship, friendships etc. First we need to set our own standards for ourselves and thereafter ensure the people we allow in our circle respect that standard we have set for ourselves and if they can't then they need to go or need to be fed with a "long spoon"
ReplyDeleteWonderful thoughts! I share the same sentiment with Mr. Plummer. Only difference is I don't think the standard that we set should come from ourselves. If that were the case then we'd set a relativistic standard, one that is justifiable only to the individual (in most cases) which is kinda dangerously tip toeing round the issue of selfishness. There must be a final authority that governs the theoretical minds. A set of rules that dictate what we should esteem and what we shouldn't. Only after knowing this would we be able to properly enforce based on that standard. Because truth be told like you said J there are person who will continue to "do the limbo" in-spite of the bars we set. So the question is, who will be the one who will inflict order to curb those "idiots" lol. It would have to be the one who set the "standard" in the first place. We are just upholders of such...
ReplyDeleteMy thing is persons should know what their worth is according to the Bible. Seek to understand how he/she should or should not be treated and what should be left to the person (GOD) who will repay those who will chose to abuse the grace that is extended through them.
Nice topic!!
The sad truth is that even if we have self worth there's atleast one person we would allow to walk all over us just so that we feel needed or loved. For example a person we consider a friend who only calls or tlks to u wen they need ur help. You feel ignored until they need u or wat about a father who loves u so much but he continues to break his promises but once u see him all is forgiven.Why do we rely on these people to feel complete. Mayb beczuse we dont want to end a relationship that is so precious to us or is it becuz in the end there will always b that 1 person we forgive easliy or comprise our values for...so yes we allow ppl to treat us badly becuz we want them to cuz we need to feel validated by them.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are all quite right. I especially agree with the last comment. Even in my own personal life I've found that the people I let walk all over me are the ones I ones I desire to maintain a relationship with. It's amazing how those who tug at our heartstrings most are the ones that walk over us the most.
ReplyDeleteDJazz
ReplyDeleteI agree with you all 110%!!! We have to set standards for ourselves. Also, we must inform those who are in our lives of how we want to be treated and stand firm on it. Like Mr. Browne said we must allow the word of GOD to guide and give us understanding. It's not enough to stop a person from treating us badly. It is important that we learn the dynamics of relationships in reference to GOD, JESUS CHRIST AND THE HOLY SPIRIT? It heartbreaking to hear some people say, "Love hurts." That so far from the truth. GOD is Love. HE is a loving, giving, merciful, and forgiving GOD? Ms. James, I plan to purchase your book. Thank you.
Thank you very much DJazz, I do hope that you enjoy the book and look forward to hearing what you think about the book. Please leave a review.
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